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Roses. For Grace!
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Sunday, May 11, 2008
POST CNY>
Here're some shots from CNY, late, but still here nonetheless. So ya, short post today, got stuff to do. Ciao.
My sis n i.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Been a missing>
Helo whoever reads,
exams are 'round the corner,actually no, its gonna hit me right smack in the face in two days. YUP, niwaez, i just wanna say thanx, for the concern i've been shown recently coz of the spat with Grace. It came at a very timely period when i was simply questioning everythin i did with regards to everyone's friendships. I'll just say this again thou, watever i do, i cannot guarantee that u'd be happy with me, and yet still, i cannot promise that i wont disappoint u, all i say i can do is try. As much as that word has been over used, it is still THE word i'll use, trying can both mean tiring and yet it can also mean not giving up.
And yes Grace, there i things i know which has disappointed me greatly, more than u can imagine, and yet, i still miss your company, and think of u when i see things. At this point in time, i'm so ready to kick u outta my life with a big fat boot planted on ur behind, ya, and i will do wat i say if i wanted to. Mostly because of ur letter. Have u no concept at all of the person i am? Of what i always have felt? I dont believe in re-starting. Its so stupid simply because u cannot re-start life. And re-starting does not erase past mistakes and hurt, it only gives u the illusion that i can be erased. This isnt a computer bug u can squash simply by re-formatting, or anti-virusing, u simply have to tackle it, even if its screaming at the top of ur voice at the person involved. at least then, it'd be solved. So yes grace, this is a gist of whats to come. there's 5 on the way for u, will prob spread towards ur b-day if its not in time. I dunno how u will take it, somehow i'm not entirely unhappy if u get pissed. At the very least, u'll solve it soon.
I'm not very complex. The very simple thing is, I love you, love who u are although u pissed me off big time now. Twins dont stop being twins, the reals ones cant, but the ones we choose, it's not out of jest. So unless u steal my husband (stop rolling ur eyes, i said husband not boyfriend), or kill those i love, or something to that extent, i WONT stop loving u, Wont stop thinking of u as my twinie, my best friend. So yea, the very essence is Shut up about re-starting, it wont work. And now, back to the study table, sigh, I want my best friend back, i've got tons of whine lined up in store for u.
Alright, for those who are still hanging in there, i do like everyone too. Just that i somehow love grace a bit bit more even if she doesnt believe me much anymore. anyone got a manuel on best friends? i think mine's expired. bleah.
J! u were unexpected! Tkx man, u've been this really cool friend under this sky we both share. Come find me soon, i bring u to eat! yum .
i'll post my v-day tulips soon! Yay, my purple tulips. so happy.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Ao nang,CNY,Choices.>
I've found somewhere to upload pictures! Whoopieeee...thanx to ChunMeng's blog entry. I saw his pictures when he went to sydney, and so i decided that it'll be a great idea for me to upload there too. yup. :) niwaez, those are long due, Krabi was awesome, but just in case u decide to go, it krabi AO NANG, not krabi town. yup. i stayed at ao nang villa, great in terms of location and living space. i liked it there a lot, and the people were friendly enough.Food's a little expensive thou, unless of coz u'd totally go for the roadside stalls, which are great by the way. And really cheap. like 15 bhatt per plate of noodles. woo hoo...i miss cheap food already. o and i love the chicken rice. YUM. had to walk super far to get it thou, but worth every mouthful!I MISSS AO NANG already. Sobz, i wanna buy a long boat and live ther too. Haha...such fun, sun sand and SEA. i actually got a bit tanned. lol. so fun. still have my tanlines!!!!! but they're all fading. i so wanna go back. maybe with loadsa friends this time. anyone interested?? *grin* Niwaez, CNY has also come and gone. and ya, i'll post pictures too...its actually march already. pretty soon i'll have to choose my area of interest. and the thingis, i've got no idea what i really want! *panic* I like ultrasound, but i'm afraid i'm not good enough. i like MRI, but i get bored when pple talk to me abt the physics. I've got nothing against CT, just that it doesnt interest me as easily as US and MRI. O man......................................Choices....again. *falls flat on face*
http://picasaweb.google.com/ahope216/Krabi here's the krabi webby. tata.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
GRACE!>
Cant seem to upload pictures. SIGH........
Niwaez, i miss having grace around. Feel like screaming at her thou. But, i dunno if i'll even get another chance. Wish she'll love me once more, thou i dont dare hope for anything. i accepted that she's moved on, but still, sigh.
Once i tot that best friends were like family, that they'd never leave no matter what. But now she taught me different. Best friends need attention too. Just that i learnt too late and now she's gone. Not dead, just not here. She says she's not ready to speak to me. I wonder till when. I dont like to leave things hanging. it annoyes me. Why cant we just solve it? I get mixed signals. some signals tell me that she still want my friendship. others tell me that she's gone for good. i try to talk to her, but she tells me that she's tired of clapping and that she'll talk to me when emotions settle. maybe thats sensible. but i dont understand why we have to be sensible coz when she's ready to talk, we might just not be friends anymore. Stubborness is something we both share, but if its being stubborn abt something which has a better solution, its just stupid. Grace, i dunno if u still care. i do. Just feel like u tell me the problem and den leave it to me to solve it when its too late. if the case has already been tried, and the verdict set, what defence can i prepare when i didnt even know i was on trial? i cannot make magic. i can only do human stuff. and that involves a whole lot of mistakes and assumptions coz i cannot read your mind. so tell me grace, u dont have to do anything anymore, but just tell me. how much does the friendship still mean to you? enough to put aside the pettyness and talk to me, or would u rather just leave things the way it is now and run away from solving it? hmmm? the clock's ticking, wat if i die tmr?
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Small msg>
Hey...i havent been blogging lately...been occupied.
Well, will upload pictures soon. Got loads. Grin
Saturday, January 05, 2008
The brand new something>
Hey...for those who read...HAPPY NEW YEAR!
things have been rather mundane. My new year started of really badly.
Niwaez...i guess, i'll have a resolution too. i hope to be a better person. someone my friends can lean on, and talk to. someone my family would be proud off, and someone WL will never get enough off. :)
Well, dear friends, 2007 has had its ups and downs. I cant say i will apologise for everything i've done, but i can say that there are certain things i wish i could do differently. maybe i havent been the bestest friend recently, maybe i've been too concieted. if i have made u unhappy, i apologise.
To my family, i still love u guys even thou u drive me nuts, destroy my stuff, eat my tidbits, disturb my sleep, and take up my space.
To grace, i love u girl. For ur friendship, companionship and everything u've been doing for me. i'm sorry i'm not the perfect best friend but i will try harder. i'm looking forward to our trip abroad together, and hoping that it will actually happen. ha. cheers to our friendship, and i look forward to more. some things i dont have to say, i simply assmue, that u know u're precious to me, that i think u're wonderful, that you are one of the strongest, most insistent, ok stubborn, person i've ever known. and that i wouldnt exchange u for anyone in the world. stay in touch when u go abroad k...i'm so gonna die w/o my twin. o ya, things like being there for u and u making me who i am, i dont hafta say, coz its been oversaid, and i think now u know. ;)
To serene, i'm not even sure u read my blog, but if u eventually do, i just wanna say that i appreciate what u have been in my life. Without u, i wouldnt be so much of who i am. there were so many times where i took my cue from u, although u might not have noticed. our friendship has grown distant and i'm sorry for that. i hope we'll be agle to regain a semblance of what we had, and continue to make the world better with ur laughters.
Michelle, i'll never forget u. Drama thou ur life may be, with wierd choices, funny languages, i'll be there as much as i can. i'm only a call away, ur own private listening ear and shoulder. :) having u as my friend has been bundles of joy and laughter. i cannot wait for more. may life be better for u. and may u finally find someone who gives u as much spark and love.
lastly, WL. for the past 2 years and 10 months, u have been a mixture of laughter, joy,upsets and love. i cant say that u're the best thing in my life coz there are others i'll always be thankful for. but i can say that ur love has been somethiing i'm very glad i have. because, ur tolerance and patience works wonders when i throw tantrums and hissy fits. although i do hope that u will play less computer games, put less importance on soccer, start running with me, go good food hunting with me, teach me to ride that darn bike, take that neoprint u promised and think of me more, i love you. and i still am hoping that u'll do the "i'll do anything to make my gf happy" magic soon. maybe we should have "anything to maake my gf happy day" LOL.
thank you, everyone who's been in my life. yup.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Jazz blues. Falling.>
Free falling has always been scary to me.
You know the team activity where you stand on a platform and just fall backwards? And your team members are supposed to catch u and make sure u dont fall and hurt yourself? Think its called trust fall. I absolutely abhore it. Hate it. Yucks.
I'm usually the last few to go up. Coz i simply cannot fathom the thought of just letting urself go and trusting blindly. How would u know if the people below will catch you? How in the world would u know if, at the end of the day, you dont end up broken?
I've been starting to liken being in love or rather, choosing to love someone, to free falling. The major similiarity? Falling, and falling and NOT knowing if someone's gonna catch you in the process.
In that case, I'm starting to wonder how people start loving another in the first place. Somehow i get the sinking feeling that u're just suppose to let go and fall. Up till today, the only constant defination of the word love, i know, is the one where God so loved the world that He gave His only son...... you know the rest. Not even the love from parents are constant. (I dont mean that our parents dont. I'm just taking into account that there are people out there who do not give two hoots about who they've brought into the world.)
So, as i was saying, how does it really feel to BE in love? Not talking about the fairy tale glittery stuff people use to describe that word. More like what is it to you? Up till now, i still question my feelings for WL. OF Coz, i know that he means quite a lot to me. Important enough for me to blow my friends off just so i get to spend time with him (sorry guys). I also know that i like making him happy. Like to make him laugh. When i see him, i feel happy, and when i dont, i'll think abt him. But, i somehow dont think that all that means love. Coz, i get annoyed with him all the time. It could be the small little things or a really huge one. Or it could simply be because he dug his nose and den hold my hand b4 cleaning it (eeewwwww). I also expect to be pampered back... like how come i'm always the one pampering? i wanna be pampered too!!! Den again, everyone fights, disagrees, get pissed, ALL THE TIME. Well, i also have to confess that i pick on him a lot. Lots of things he does, or not, i'll say something, like why u..... or why you dont.... (I know, i know, nothing's perfect) but if love is as wonderful as all the books and stuff says, why isnt all those in love, wonderfully happy all the time? So are they in love or aint they? So confusing right? Gosh. My mind is a really stupid device.
You know, relationships are really tough to figure out. Especially the ones u seem to care about the most.
There is this other question which has been troubling me lately. How do u know if the person in your life is the one u should be with? I asked those around me who have been married for sometime, and the usual answer is "i dunno" ! O man...is it another free falling thing AGAIN? o man, so maybe i am gonna end up marrying at 45. although i do so hope i'll be hitched by 24 / 25. sigh. Trust. Its something i'll never understand. Nor do easily.
I always felt that trust should be earned. And if its broken too many times, the mending wont make it the same. ther'll always be a scar, always be a memory that the trust was broken. And den what? It'll be a constant reminder, a mar on the perfection of simple trust. In that case, would anything good come out of it?